Really? Huh.

Are you sure?

Self-set deadlines.

It seems my umpteenth attempt to dupe myself into completing schoolwork early has again failed. As the end of each semester draws to a close, I find myself (after an entire semester of slacking off) overly ambitious to get all of the work done, and in record time. So I lie to myself. I say, "Self, if you spend all day Saturday working on your 8 papers, you will find yourself free as a bird tomorrow. There is no possibility that, in spite of your valiant effort, you will not finish them all. You are Superwoman. (and awesome)."
How disappointing it is year after year to discover that I still have not harnessed the greatness of my super powers! (But at least I am not living my life in fear of a make-believe green meteor rock). What's that you say? What does stress have to do with losing my mind? Yes, I suppose you could be right. I may actually be Lois Lane, not Superwoman. Bummer.

Marrying into the Sara Lee Corporation

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee, which I guess is why the jokes about my name never get old. Thus, I have decided to embrace my destiny, friends. I am going to write a petition to the Sara Lee Corporation expressing their great need for me to take over the company. My credentials are these: My name is Sara(h) Lee. I baked an apple pie once. Nobody doesn't like me. And I live in Mississippi, where, I've just been informed, my namesake's great factory has just laid off half of the state. Needless to say, many in my home state are not very fond of the former Sara Lee. Therefore, I shall have to redeem her name. They must overthrow her and appoint me deli and sweets queen in her stead. I will run in the ranks of my dear friends Little Debbie, Wendy of Wendy's and our arch nemesis, Jenny Craig. Vote for me, friends. Vote for me - the new "Sarah Lee."